Today Juniper and I visited a little slice of Korea right here, deep in the heart of Texas. Currently, San Antonio has eight sister cities, including Gwang-Ju. This particular sisterhood was established back in 1981 and commemorated in 2010 when Korean artists from Gwang-Ju built the Korean Pavilion under the Cypress and along the banks of the pond at Denman Estate Park.

“The red pine used to build the pavilion was harvested in Canada, then milled in Korea, and finally shipped here to San Antonio – a three year process. The one hundred year-old wood was chosen for it’s pristine condition – it cannot be matched in strength. And as the wood succumbs to ‘natural again’ it will become even more beautiful.”

Juniper and I had a great time exploring the area and this little slice of Korean culture got us talking about our upcoming trip to Korea. In just two-and-a-half months, Juniper and I will pack our bags and fly all the way around the world to Korea, where she’ll get to meet her great-great-grandmother! I’m really super excited about the trip (despite the fact that I’ll be entering my third trimester during the month-long trip). I haven’t seen that half of my family since I was something like twelve, and I’m very much looking forward to re-connecting.

Also, a huge big-ole thank you to Ellen (who blogs at TheHipVegetarian and who is the force behind BloomMaternity) for turning us onto such a treasure!

It’s not too bad. Nothing like the “where do babies come from?” question that I’ve been lucky enough to not have to answer. Just yet.

I simply explained to my dear Juniper that after mama eats, her food goes straight to her belly, where baby peanut lives and can share her food.

Juniper: “I have a butterfly in my belly!”

Me: “Really?”

Juniper: (looking down at her belly through the neck hole of her shirt) “What do you want to eat butterfly? Chocolate?”

Juniper: “Mama, my butterfly says he wants chocolate!”

until now.

The worst part of it is that I can’t even rely on my two trusty crutches: 1) obscene amounts of caffeine 2) booze.

So it’s not just life without antidepressants, it’s life without antidepressants, obscene amounts of caffeine, OR booze. And did I mention that my husband is on TDY (temporary duty assignment) this entire month? So it’s also life without a husband, parenting partner, back massager.

I know. I know. Cry me a river.

The thing that I notice happening is that I’m turning more inward. I’ve become exponentially less social. I have a handful of good girlfriends that I try to remain social with, but even those relationships I feel are dwindling. In fact, I feel like everything is dwindling. Not just friendships, but motivation, interest…

So the question is: Does sanity trump an antidepressant-free uterus? It seems like every thing I read leads to the idea that I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

It happened years ago – when we were first dating – as an accident. It went something like this:

It was February 14th 2000. We’d been dating for a little over a year. Of course, me being me, I obsessed over what to get Tim for Valentine’s Day. It had to be perfect. But what do you get a dude that you’ve been dating for a little over a year? The year prior was easy-peasy! We’d just started dating in January, so on that pressure-filled day in February, I simply gave him a journal. No big whoop. Nice and safe. Alas, a year later I had my panties all in a wad, running around trying to find The Perfect Gift.

I ended up getting him some guitar lessons – he owned a guitar, and knew how to play a song or two; and I thought he’d love the opportunity to learn more. That night I was over at his house… I forget all the other details. I’m really not sure if we had dinner plans or what not; but I do remember my excitement for his excitement as I handed him the package. He opened it and was thrilled.

And that was that.

Literally.

No other gift was exchanged.

read: HE DID NOT GIVE ME A GIFT!

Now, Tim would wholeheartedly disagree with this statement and defend himself by saying that Oh Yes He Did Give Me A Valentine’s Day Gift! And I’d have to reluctantly surrender and say that indeed he did.

It was the day after Valentine’s Day and he handed me a coffee mug with a small, homely looking stuffed bear stuffed inside. I think maybe there was a red heart painted on the mug. Or something.
It screamed 75% OFF CLEARANCE BIN!

Of course, me being me, I blew it off (because I so entirely wanted to be the “cool girlfriend”) and held it over his head years later. But now-a-days it’s our own little joke.

Since that day in early 2000, Tim and I have been out to celebrate Valentine’s Day on a number of occasions but were always so let down by the whole experience. You see, just like every one else on the planet, we wanted it to be amazingly fantastic so we’d book the nicest restaurant and splurge! But there was this one night that I distinctly remember the wait, despite our made-in-advance reservation, was painfully long; the food, despite the five star kitchen, was obviously pre-prepared and okay at best. We sat at our little table eyeballing all the other couples doing THE EXACT SAME THING. We felt like cattle. And we decided to never do this again.

And we haven’t.

Instead, we choose to celebrate whenever we feel so inclined. However, we have started a little mini tradition of our very own – we now buy each other really small, homely looking Valentine’s Day trinkets, found in the 75% OFF CLEARANCE BIN the day after Valentine’s Day as a symbol of the freedom of our love.

So, on a relevant note, I recently came across an effort to rebrand Valentine’s Day into Generosity Day – to make it more about love, action, and generosity. I like this idea. It’s not so much about shmoozy love trinkets given to/from crushes, but simply about the act of generosity. Check it:

1. Never ever let any one edit your content and/or your style. This is very different from letting them edit your spelling and grammar. Letting some one alter your content or style is essentially turning what should ultimately be YOUR (singular) voice into YOUR (plural) voice. Let me make that a little more clear. It changes what ultimately is MY voice into OUR voice (me & my content/style editor’s). And who in the world would ever want that? Unless you’re working collaboratively. I mean, right?

What’s that one thing that Tim Gunn says all the time on Project Runway? No, No. Not “make it work.” The other, and equally as important, one.

EDIT.

And if I can interject, what Tim Gunn implies here is – self editing. What I love about Tim Gunn as a mentor is that he never ever mentions his edits – what he would do. This is very important for the growth and development of the designer.

Joshua McKinley of Project Runway #9 is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. In the beginning, Josh was NOTORIOUS for including way too many design elements, and over working his ideas; but he learned how to self edit, and managed to get himself into the top four contestants that went on to show their designs at the famed Bryant Park during New York’s Fashion Week.

Could you imagine what would’ve happened if he’d allowed some one else’s perspective to aid in his editing? Or worse, what would’ve happened if Tim Gunn had offered any of his own edits? Josh would never have grown as a designer, but worst yet, the designs wouldn’t have been a Josh McKinley design, but a Josh McKinley / Tim Gunn design (for example).

Also,

2. The Lord loves a working man.

3. Don’t trust whitey.

4. See a doctor and get rid of it.

5. Never write for free.

Eleanor Brown’s debut novel, The Weird Sisters, is a wonderful story with big, beautifully crafted female characters. The Andreas family is a family of readers, encouraged by their eccentric father who peppers his speech with Shakespearean quotes and has even named his three daughters after characters from Shakespeare’s plays.

Even though The Weird Sisters makes a thousand allusions to Shakespeare, it’s no A Thousand Acres, no modern-day retelling of one of the Bard’s plays. Instead, Brown has created her own charming story about star-crossed siblings who just so happen to know the greatest English verse much better than they know themselves.

The sisters are complex characters whose failures make them deeply human, and what makes The Weird Sisters so compellingly readable is the relationships between the characters.

Anyone who has ever enjoyed (or not) a sibling relationship, but especially those with sisters of their own, will recognize the ambivalence, petty jealousies, and ultimately the love that binds them each to the other. Who among us does not revert instantly to our comfortable childhood behaviors/roles the moment we are all together again? That is exactly what happens when Cordy, Bean and Rose find themselves under the roof of their parent’s home, once again.

The pretense is that they’ve all come back to help care for their Mom who has been diagnosed with cancer, but clearly these three adult children are in a kind of psychological convalescence themselves, shocked by their lives’ crash landings, awed by the depth of their parents’ love for each other and convinced they’ll never find such a marriage themselves. How will they relearn to speak to one another, these smart, wounded women who’ve been trained to communicate their “deepest feelings through the words of a man who has been dead for almost four hundred years”?

Brown uses the plural first-person narration, a rarely used perspective that works marvelously here. The three sisters together tell the whole story, an impossible “we” that traces each one’s private anxieties and indiscretions. Although initially hard to get used to, I found myself appreciating this voice because although each character is an individual, it is their collective memories and relationships with each other which informs who they become.

Eleanor Brown is such a clever writer, and she’s written such an endearing story about sisterly affection and the possibilities of redemption. But one does not need to have shared one’s life with sisters to appreciate the skill of Brown’s writing. Her work is solid, heartfelt, and funny. Take Polonius’s good advice and “read on this book.”

To find out more, or to read other reviewers’ take on the novel, join me over at the BlogHer Book Club where we’ll be discussing Eleanor Brown’s The Weird Sisters for the next month. Come join the conversation!

*Disclosure: I was remunerated for this review. All opinions are my own.

This post is inspired by a comment that I made on the BlogHer Life Well Lived post that I came across earlier today.

A friend of mine recently told me that instead of coming up with new year resolutions that, for her, are inevitably forgotten (which then results in a feeling of failure at the end of the year), she picks a word (or phrase) to live by during the year. Her word for last year was “still”. Which meant that she was able to focus on… wait for it…

being still. (♫ I’m too sexy for my words ♫)

She said that it worked wonderfully and that it gave her the freedom to say “no” when she needed to so that she could take the time to be still & present with her family.

I thought it was such a great idea, I’m doing the same this year. My word/phrase is to: act from LOVE.

It’s hard. I’ve already failed miserably.

MISERABLY. (This is where I hint to, but refrain from disclosing my huge slip up yesterday).

But the good news is that I’m conscious of my actions and am making an effort to right the wrong – which means there’s hope for me yet.  {wink}

Aside from acting from LOVE, I plan on Living several Well Lived Moments of 2012: attending the Sundance Film Festival later this month; completing an Ironman 70.3 in April; traveling to Korea for a month with my 3 year old daughter to meet her great grandmother & all of her extended family living there; popping out a healthy beautiful new baby some time in September; and completing the book that I’ve been writing for the past two years.

What about you? What do you think about a word or phrase to focus on as opposed to resolutions? What is your word or phrase? And/or what is/are your resolution(s)? I’d love to hear about them. (I enjoy putting some of mine out there for a sense of, albeit virtual, accountability.)

Fourteen days until the 2012 Sundance Film Festival!

I AM SO STOKED!

I’ll be working this year as media coordinator at the Filmmaker Lodge. (Read: The chances of me running into – crossing my fingers for literal meaning here – Bob are significantly huge. HUGE!)

This year’s festival promises to be amazing! Just check out the films – (totally multiple exclamation point worthy).

My schedule this year will be extremely different from last year’s (remember last year I was a mere bus stop attendant, working a short 4 hours a day which gave me ample time and opportunity to view the many films). I hope that I’ll be able to catch a few films this year. I’m looking forward to (in no particular order):

The Imposter
About Face
38-39〫C
About the Pink Sky
Bones Brigade: An Autobiography
Chasing Ice
The Comedy
The D Word: Understanding Dyslexia
Madrid, 1987
Wrong
Payback
Putin’s Kiss
Detropia
Finding North

I’m also looking forward to a couple of panels – one with the awesome Margaret Atwood and the other with the equally as awesome Tiffany Shlain.

I will be in Park City, Utah for the entire festival. This year I will be writing during the festival about the entire volunteer experience – from checking in and getting my credentials, Kenneth Cole jacket and room assignment, to the eating, the drinking, the merrymaking, and of course, the films.

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and that your new year is starting out well. I know it has been awhile since I’ve written any thing worth reading lately. What I’ve finally realized is that I really like taking a break during the holidays. And when I say “during the holidays” I really mean from about November to the new year – a sort of holiday hiatus, if you will.

I first realized I was doing this holiday hiatus thing last year (2010), and felt extremely guilty about it. This year (2011), when I found myself doing it again, with the help of my loving and supportive husband (who has nice, big muscles), I felt very different about it. He was all, “Kim, this is exactly what you need. Why put additional stress on an already stressful holiday season?” And he was right. So I was able to feel good about it and let it go.

And there was really nothing better than getting to spend the holidays with my family and friends 100 percent present and in the moment!

Because really. Who dictates how much and when to write? We do. Right? Yet we always feel obligated to put stuff out there – the fear that “OH MY LORD, I’LL LOSE READERS IF I DON’T PUT STUFF OUT THERE” seems always to haunt us.

But I’ve got a new theory for my writing.

And my theory is more about doing what’s right for ME (selfish, I know) and less about how many people read my blog. According to my theory, the more I treat myself better, the better person I will be… which will not only be reflected in my everyday actions, but eventually in my writing as well. {smile}

However, now that I’ve got that all off my chest, I must admit that I did do something fairly rude…

I left you hanging.

Instead of telling y’all that I’d be somewhat non-existent for the holiday season, I just kinda didn’t show up. And for that I apologize. No more not showing up from now on.

Pinky promise.

***

Some of you may be thinking that that’s a really long hiatus. November through the new year? Really?

You’re right. It is really long.

But here’s why.

I use the entire month of November for reflection.

Well. I use the entire first half of November for reflection, then I use the next week for Thanksgiving menu planning, then I use the last part of November for feasting & holiday readying. But that’s beside the point.

I do this because I know, I KNOW, that I won’t have the proper time to do this before the new year once the holidays begin. And doing this sort of thing during the first days of the new year is just, in my mind, way too late. I want to get a head start on this thing. If I’m gonna make it a good year, I need to have focus going into it. But that’s just me.

I use those first several weeks in November to diligently sit down and write out all of my accomplishments over the year, and I throw a huge party (read: I drink a bottle of champers) for all my accomplishments. True story. (We should never ever let our accomplishments go unrecognized – especially by our own selves. Go ahead. Throw yourself a party. You deserve it!)

And then I write out all of the goals that I may have had for myself during the year that I didn’t get to accomplish. And I ask myself a couple of questions.

1) What were the reasons I didn’t accomplish the goal?
2) Is it still a goal? Or have I moved on?

Once I figure out the answers to those questions, I include it in my next year’s resolutions – or I don’t.

Then I sit down and write out all the new goals that I’d like to focus on in the new year and I work on a mind map.

Last year mine looked like this:

and this year, it looks like this:

I blurred them out because life goals are somewhat personal to me. There are plenty that I don’t mind sharing… but I really try to be extremely honest with myself when I do this, and to be perfectly honest with y’all there are just some goals that I don’t wish to share, for a multitude of reasons. I don’t think I’m weird for it… I think it’s only human nature to want to protect what is so ultimately ME.

I know mind mapping might sound a little silly for some of you, but it worked really well for me as a way to creatively sort out my thoughts, and to put them in perspective in an organized way in order to better achieve my goals. And I really feel 2011 was a hugely successful year for me. Probably even the best year I’ve ever had.

There’s several ways to mind map. With pen and paper, like this. You can get all creative and draw pictures, or you can just use words. I also found a couple of great mind mapping apps for the iphone:

iThoughts     $7.99

and Mindjet     $FREE

I know that every one has their very own way of getting ready to make the new year the best for them. I just thought I’d share what works for me.

Thank you all so much for stopping by here to read my ramblings – I really appreciate you. And I wish you the very best for 2012!