The other day I enjoyed lunch with a couple of friends at this one sushi joint and at the end of our lovely meal I got this…

 WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FORTUNE IS THIS?

HOW DARK IS DARK?

Seriously? [MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS]

The question I have is, can I sue this fortune cookie for pain and suffering? I mean, because ever since I cracked that puppy open I’ve been worrying about all sorts of things – like that maybe regardless of how hard we try, we will never conceive another child and little Juniper will grow up sibling-less. And… about how I just got off of my anti-depressants and that, does this mean that it’s going to get pretty effing dark? Soon? How soon? Or that maybe my booby biopsy is going to come back positive… Or that wearing this heart monitor is going to show that, yes, indeed I do have that one thingamajig.

Or worse, even… all of the above?

I would just love to kick the little snot who wrote this “fortune” in the ass.
That is all.